Category Archives: The Sports

I am an avid sports fan and will occasional express my jubilation or disdain for teams, calls, and events. Most of these will probably be drunk rants while watching a game.

Player Hater’s Ball

Unless you live on Mars I’m pretty sure you either saw or heard about the Seahawks bat shit crazy win over the Packers in the NFC title game. The Seahawks basically gave the Packers a 56 minute head start then finally said it was go time to make it to their second consecutive Super Bowl. As a Seahawks fan it made me pee a little. If you are a Seahawks hater you probably peed a little too. As a lifetime sports fan there is only one thing I know for sure, people love a winner. This is when the general populous stars throwing around the term “bandwagon fans.” It’s inevitable. You see it even in your home markets. When I first moved to Michigan I would go to Tiger’s game, often by myself. This was because they were on the verge of losing 115 games and nobody wanted to go. Even with a brand new stadium they couldn’t get more than 10,000 fans in the ballpark. Now, it’s standing room only on weekends and big games. Everyone loves a winner.

Success brings out another type of “fan,” the haters. I have seen the Seahawks latest success breed more new haters than new bandwagon fans. These are the people who call you a bandwagon fan because you have a new game jersey. Well the Seahawks changed their uniform 3 years ago and have a slew of new superstars, of course you are going to see them at the bar. You want to know why teams update their jerseys? So they can sell them and make money. It could be someone who still has their Steve Largent jersey in their closet at home but feels like repping a Kam Chancellor uniform because he is bad mother fucker. These haters are much much more annoying than the bandwagon fans. They claim everyone is a bandwagon fan. They never cared who was a Hawks fan before they finally noticed the team from the northwest beating everybody with a swagger not seen since the ’85 Bears. When the Seahawks were losing nobody even thought twice about them outside of the NFC West, but now that they are in the forefront of the NFL people are tired of watching them beat their team. Most of these haters have already forgot Seattle was in Super Bowl 40 in Detroit. In reality the Seahawks have had a great fan base for years before their recent success.

December of 1984 the Seahawks retired the #12 in honor of their fans. The No Fun League subsequently instituted new noise rules the following year that nobody really cares about. After their new stadium was built the organization was even accused of pumping crowd noise into the stadium. The crowd noise that set the Guinness world record was 137.6 decibels, only 12.4 decibels below rupturing your ear drums. That’s fucking loud. It can actually be noticed at near by seismic research facilities. This noise does make for a nice home field advantage, leading the league in opponent false starts.

Personally, I welcome “bandwagon fans.” Part of winning is expanding your market share to make money, and pumped that back into the organization. Whether you’re a new fan or an OG fan doesn’t make a difference to me. I used to be the only one at bars wearing my Alexander jersey and would be sitting by myself, but now there are people to bullshit with wherever I go. It’s part of the experience. Sure they might not know who Cortez Kennedy is, but they sure as shit know the current roster. People have to root for someone, there only two teams left playing so go ahead and pick one. Unless you’re from Wisconsin or lost money on that game, I find it hard to believe that you didn’t get excited watching that finish last weekend. Haters are going to hate, ballers are going to ball, it’s science. But if you want to come into the bar wearing a brand new #3 jersey, there is always room at my table.

Go Hawks!

Signature Sports Bar & Grill: The Signature Burger

For the last couple years we have been going down to California to my sister’s house in California for the Christmas leave.  It has been a great break for me being an “Arctic Warrior” and all, training in the winter’s bitter cold.  Cold nights here are summer nights in Alaska.  In-N-Out Burger and all that goodness.  We head out and spend a few days in the Arizona, but  most of the time we spend here in SoCal.  Last year my dad and I wanted to head out and watch the Seahawk’s game.  This is the closest sports bar to my sister’s place so it makes sense.  We can get dropped off, split a few pitchers and walk home.  So this year was no different.  Seahawks are on, Lions are on, both games have big playoff implications in the standings so why would we not head on over.

This is a pretty good venue for watching football.  They put labels on every TV so you know where to sit for your game and don’t have to sound like a jackass asking the waitress what game is where or if they can change the channel.  Signatures also gets packed with a surprising variety of NFL enthusiasts.  Although there are many more Seahawks fans than last year, but whatever.  Even saw a guy wearing an 81 “Mexitron” jersey.

Last year we just ordered some wings and it was nothing to write home about.  They were wings, pretty standard.  This year I obviously had to get the burger, no questions asked.  They have one burger, the Signature Burger, 1/2 pound, choice of cheese and their signature sauce.  I have to say it is goddamn refreshing to have a place serve fresh ground angus beef.  It was actually cooked to order too.  Medium rare, and you can even see the pink in the pictures.  I can’t tell you how many times I asked some mouth breathing cook in Alaska to give me a medium or medium rare burger just to have it come out like fucking shoe leather.  I chose cheddar for my cheese, and really wished bacon was an options, but it was still fantastic.  There are so many bars that try way to hard to have all kinds of crazy burgers and they suck at all of them.  Here they have one, choice of cheese, and they do it right.  They claim “a sports bar with taste” and the rest of the menu looked decent.  But if open a sports bar make sure you don’t fuck up the staples.

I do have a couple minor critiques though.  Too much lettuce, but that was an easy fix, I took some off.  Problem solved.  The burger was charred nice on the  outside and juicy on the inside so the grill was properly heated, but they could have seasoned the meat better.  You have to throw those spices on after you throw it on the grill, but that was minor.  Other than that it was spot on. Fries where seasoned really well and cooked to a good consistency.  Add all this up with the multiple pitchers of local craft brews and it was a great day.  I recommend trying this burger if you get a chance.


Yoga: Whatever

As you may have noticed this site is Yoga and Cheeseburgers.  I touch on it slightly in How It Started.  Yes, I did have done do yoga.  I also did a zumba class so I could hang out with my friend when I was on leave one summer.  I’ve had my chest waxed after losing a bet (thanks Red Wings).  I wore a bunny onsie when I was drunk at Eater. Whatever, I like hanging out with friends and having fun, sometimes it backfires.  This last summer in Alaska I broke my thumb playing in a co-ed soccer game.  This took me from working out twice a day to working out zero times a day.  With the amount of food that I eat and beers that I drink I started gaining weight.  It happens.  With the profile I was on at work it limited me to not doing anything that made me sweat.  Casts smell bad enough as it is after six weeks, imagine running every day with one on.  Of course for three months I had to hear every NCO (who is automatically an expert in everything ever once they get stripes) give me shit and say “what does a broken thumb have to do with running…” Other than the fact that I had a direct order from and officer, and real doctor, not to do so, many other reasons.  This led to yoga in the park.  The Alaska Club teams up with a local radio station and puts on free Yoga in the park.  A friend of mine wanted to start getting back in shape, and I needed something to do to keep me sane and get me out of the barracks.  It then lead to getting cheeseburgers after every yoga session (a little counter productive, but worth it).  Besides, if you have never been outside during the summer in Alaska, then you are missing out.

First of all, yoga is not really exercise.  It really isn’t even close.  We would stand in some funny positions, and do about six push ups over the hour.  I probably burned more calories driving downtown from post than I did during the actual “work out.”  It should also be very clear that yoga is not pilates.  Joseph Pilates, a German born physical-culturalist, developed the system in the early 20th century as a way for strengthening your core, improving flexibility and alignment of some other shit.  Many athletes and dancers used it to improve their balance.  He studied yoga and there are similarities between the disciplines activities with the whole mind/body/breathing thing, but they are still very different.  It would be like comparing weight lifting to cross fit.  Yes you use weights in both, but they are two completely different worlds.

Yoga on the other hand is not about physical fitness.  At least that is not how I perceive it.  Yoga is a much older practice that has become as highly commercialized as college football. Originating in India thousands of years ago (which I presume is before anyone cared about physical fitness) yoga is more a form of meditation.  I’m sure that there are more advanced yoga classes than free yoga in park because they have to keep it simple for the extreme variety of people who show up.  But in that sense it was still relaxing being outside in the summer time, surrounded by girls in yoga pants.  Relaxing is a slept upon way to help control weight gain.  Stress can throw your whole system off in negative ways.  There is some science behind that, but I don’t know it exactly and don’t want to look it up.  You can’t deny though how good it feels when you are on vacation.  This relaxing didn’t necessarily help me control my weight.  I still blew up 15 pounds over the 12 weeks I was on profile.  I would have to assume it was the mass amounts of cheeseburgers I ate.  I still ate like I worked out twice a day, but really just did yoga once a week.  Even though it ended both my soccer and baseball seasons, I enjoyed the shit out of that summer.

This brings me to the philosophy of Yoga and Cheeseburgers.  To me they are one and the same.  To quote a great man, Ron Swanson “Fishing relaxes me.  It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” I won’t tell anyone to go do yoga in park if they don’t want to.  Yoga works for many people, but it isn’t for everyone.  Find your own yoga in whatever it is you do.  It can be anything from fishing/hunting to weightlifting to walking your dog or actual yoga.  For me it is cheeseburgers and beer, sometimes pizza, and then working off all those calories anyway I can.  Just whatever you do, don’t be an asshole.  Nobody likes and asshole.  Now I have to go run off this day whiskey I’ve been drinking and get back to drinking.