Monthly Archives: December 2014

In-N-Out Burger: Double Double Animal Style

In-N-Out Burger was the first drive through burger stand in California.  It started back in 1948 by a wonderful man named Harry Snyder.  He would buy  fresh ingredients every morning to make the burgers while his wife cooked the books.  They now have locations all over California and is one of the best burgers you can find. It has a drive through but it is not the same category as a fast food burgers.  You see them inside grilling the burgers and onions as the orders pile up. They hand leaf the lettuce every day.  These burgers are fresh. They have started expanding east as far as Utah and Texas and I’m sure this trend will continue.  I only get to eat here about once a year when I visit my sister near LA.  Every time you go to an In-N-Out there is a line at the drive through that extends out into the street covering almost all demographics.  Lexus and Cadillac cars sandwiched between beat down old Chevy S10s.  It’s like a goddamn Tim Horton’s during morning rush hour. Once you try the burgers you know why.

The menu is seemingly small when you look at.  It has about 6 things on it included drinks and shakes.  However, almost everyone knows about the secret menu that is no longer a secret. This is where you order or 3x3s, protein style, etc. But I want to talk about animal style. It’s fucking glorious. In-N-Out made the first animal style in 1961 due to customer requests.  They throw your patty on the grill and cover it with mustard, when they flip your burger it cooks the mustard into your patty. They load it up with lettuce, onion, tomato and extra burger sauce (thousand island, obviously). It is like having a party in your mouth and all the chicks you invited show up. This is the benchmark for what a drive up burger should taste like. If you ever go to California you must make a stop. Just sitting outside in the sun in December was enough to make my trip worth it, but throw this burger in and it felt like I won the awesome lottery.

Now let me touch on the animal style fries for a second. Their fries are pretty good as is. Fries aren’t that hard to make though. Order them animal style and they get smothered in cheese, sautéed onions and burger sauce (again, basically thousand island). Eating these will change your life forever. At least the way you look at fries forever. If fries are like watching Michigan win a football game, animal style is like watching them win a bowl game. Except I’m not always drunk at In-N-Out like I am watching football.

In closing, In-N-Out is fantastic. I don’t know anyone from California that doesn’t love this place. Unless they are just some kind of tree hugging, vegetarian, not showering, dirty hippy who doesn’t deserve a cheeseburger (or yoga) ever. Don’t let the hippies win, eat at In-N-Out.  IMG_2713.JPG



Signature Sports Bar & Grill: The Signature Burger

For the last couple years we have been going down to California to my sister’s house in California for the Christmas leave.  It has been a great break for me being an “Arctic Warrior” and all, training in the winter’s bitter cold.  Cold nights here are summer nights in Alaska.  In-N-Out Burger and all that goodness.  We head out and spend a few days in the Arizona, but  most of the time we spend here in SoCal.  Last year my dad and I wanted to head out and watch the Seahawk’s game.  This is the closest sports bar to my sister’s place so it makes sense.  We can get dropped off, split a few pitchers and walk home.  So this year was no different.  Seahawks are on, Lions are on, both games have big playoff implications in the standings so why would we not head on over.

This is a pretty good venue for watching football.  They put labels on every TV so you know where to sit for your game and don’t have to sound like a jackass asking the waitress what game is where or if they can change the channel.  Signatures also gets packed with a surprising variety of NFL enthusiasts.  Although there are many more Seahawks fans than last year, but whatever.  Even saw a guy wearing an 81 “Mexitron” jersey.

Last year we just ordered some wings and it was nothing to write home about.  They were wings, pretty standard.  This year I obviously had to get the burger, no questions asked.  They have one burger, the Signature Burger, 1/2 pound, choice of cheese and their signature sauce.  I have to say it is goddamn refreshing to have a place serve fresh ground angus beef.  It was actually cooked to order too.  Medium rare, and you can even see the pink in the pictures.  I can’t tell you how many times I asked some mouth breathing cook in Alaska to give me a medium or medium rare burger just to have it come out like fucking shoe leather.  I chose cheddar for my cheese, and really wished bacon was an options, but it was still fantastic.  There are so many bars that try way to hard to have all kinds of crazy burgers and they suck at all of them.  Here they have one, choice of cheese, and they do it right.  They claim “a sports bar with taste” and the rest of the menu looked decent.  But if open a sports bar make sure you don’t fuck up the staples.

I do have a couple minor critiques though.  Too much lettuce, but that was an easy fix, I took some off.  Problem solved.  The burger was charred nice on the  outside and juicy on the inside so the grill was properly heated, but they could have seasoned the meat better.  You have to throw those spices on after you throw it on the grill, but that was minor.  Other than that it was spot on. Fries where seasoned really well and cooked to a good consistency.  Add all this up with the multiple pitchers of local craft brews and it was a great day.  I recommend trying this burger if you get a chance.


Yoga: Whatever

As you may have noticed this site is Yoga and Cheeseburgers.  I touch on it slightly in How It Started.  Yes, I did have done do yoga.  I also did a zumba class so I could hang out with my friend when I was on leave one summer.  I’ve had my chest waxed after losing a bet (thanks Red Wings).  I wore a bunny onsie when I was drunk at Eater. Whatever, I like hanging out with friends and having fun, sometimes it backfires.  This last summer in Alaska I broke my thumb playing in a co-ed soccer game.  This took me from working out twice a day to working out zero times a day.  With the amount of food that I eat and beers that I drink I started gaining weight.  It happens.  With the profile I was on at work it limited me to not doing anything that made me sweat.  Casts smell bad enough as it is after six weeks, imagine running every day with one on.  Of course for three months I had to hear every NCO (who is automatically an expert in everything ever once they get stripes) give me shit and say “what does a broken thumb have to do with running…” Other than the fact that I had a direct order from and officer, and real doctor, not to do so, many other reasons.  This led to yoga in the park.  The Alaska Club teams up with a local radio station and puts on free Yoga in the park.  A friend of mine wanted to start getting back in shape, and I needed something to do to keep me sane and get me out of the barracks.  It then lead to getting cheeseburgers after every yoga session (a little counter productive, but worth it).  Besides, if you have never been outside during the summer in Alaska, then you are missing out.

First of all, yoga is not really exercise.  It really isn’t even close.  We would stand in some funny positions, and do about six push ups over the hour.  I probably burned more calories driving downtown from post than I did during the actual “work out.”  It should also be very clear that yoga is not pilates.  Joseph Pilates, a German born physical-culturalist, developed the system in the early 20th century as a way for strengthening your core, improving flexibility and alignment of some other shit.  Many athletes and dancers used it to improve their balance.  He studied yoga and there are similarities between the disciplines activities with the whole mind/body/breathing thing, but they are still very different.  It would be like comparing weight lifting to cross fit.  Yes you use weights in both, but they are two completely different worlds.

Yoga on the other hand is not about physical fitness.  At least that is not how I perceive it.  Yoga is a much older practice that has become as highly commercialized as college football. Originating in India thousands of years ago (which I presume is before anyone cared about physical fitness) yoga is more a form of meditation.  I’m sure that there are more advanced yoga classes than free yoga in park because they have to keep it simple for the extreme variety of people who show up.  But in that sense it was still relaxing being outside in the summer time, surrounded by girls in yoga pants.  Relaxing is a slept upon way to help control weight gain.  Stress can throw your whole system off in negative ways.  There is some science behind that, but I don’t know it exactly and don’t want to look it up.  You can’t deny though how good it feels when you are on vacation.  This relaxing didn’t necessarily help me control my weight.  I still blew up 15 pounds over the 12 weeks I was on profile.  I would have to assume it was the mass amounts of cheeseburgers I ate.  I still ate like I worked out twice a day, but really just did yoga once a week.  Even though it ended both my soccer and baseball seasons, I enjoyed the shit out of that summer.

This brings me to the philosophy of Yoga and Cheeseburgers.  To me they are one and the same.  To quote a great man, Ron Swanson “Fishing relaxes me.  It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” I won’t tell anyone to go do yoga in park if they don’t want to.  Yoga works for many people, but it isn’t for everyone.  Find your own yoga in whatever it is you do.  It can be anything from fishing/hunting to weightlifting to walking your dog or actual yoga.  For me it is cheeseburgers and beer, sometimes pizza, and then working off all those calories anyway I can.  Just whatever you do, don’t be an asshole.  Nobody likes and asshole.  Now I have to go run off this day whiskey I’ve been drinking and get back to drinking.

DeFalco’s Italian Deli and Grocery: Meatball Sub

My dad is the one who found this place.  He saw it on Diners, Dives and Drive-Ins.  However, this place in not any of those three.  Not even close, it’s a deli, exactly like it says in the their name.  So Guy Whats-his-name is an idiot and part of the reason I don’t watch his show.  I’ll take Iron Chef Bobby Flay all day, every day.  That guy can cook.  Guy went to UNLV to study hotel management, owns a couple of restaurants and sells shit on TV.  Bobby Flay dropped out of high school to work in a restaurant eventually getting his tuition paid for to the International Culinary Center.  He is an Iron Chef, and if you have never seen this show it is awesome.  Bobby Flay was on the original Japanese series, before Iron Chef America, in a special show down against Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto.  He lost this battle but won a rematch later in Iron Chef Morimoto’s home country of Japan. Flay is also the owner and executive chef of Bobby’s Burger Palace (among other upscale restaurants around the nation), so a chef who specializes in something close to my heart.  But I’m getting away from the point here.

Aside from Guy being a moron and not knowing what this place is, it is actually an exquisite little Italian shop.  With olive oil and balsamic vinegar from a vast array of Italian cities.  Wine from all over the world.  A decent beer selection to choose from.  Almost anything you need to cook Italian food and some great Italian deli meat and sausages to choose from.  They have table scattered around the deli and a little menu counter in the back to order some food, and a pick up counter up from for carry out orders.  They even have a small patio but apparently 65 degrees is too cold for the locals so it wasn’t open.

At DeFalco’s I decided to order the meatball sub.  They didn’t have burgers and it has been a hot minute since I had a great meatball sub.  It has still been a hot minutes since I had a great meatball sub.  Don’t get me wrong, this was a good sandwich but not what I expecting.  Personally I like a lot of basil in my Italian food.  Tomato sauces, meatballs, these should all have that distinct, sweet taste and aroma of basil.  These meatballs were lacking in the Italian authenticity I was hoping for from all classic Italian spices you know so well.  Almost like meatloaf balls instead of meatballs.  The sub roll was so-so and the whole thing did not have enough cheese.  I did see them bring out some pizza that looked alright, my dad got the Italian sausage sandwich and that was probably better.  I later find out that they have gotten good reviews for their phillies which leaves me a little more disappointed since I’ll crush a philly.  We brought back some excellent salami, pastrami and hot Havarti cheese for snacks, threw in some sausage for dinner tomorrow night.  All-in-all a stop worth while, and I would frequent this place is I lived in the area.  But two lessons I learned. Guy Fieri is still an idiot and I should have ordered the philly.


Burrito Heaven: The Globe

Usually whenever block leave comes around I take full advantage of the time off. This year I decided to take a little less leave to save up for terminal leave coming in the fall. This meant that I had to spend a few day on rear detachment before signing out. On rear D you get half days, which is nice, but it also means the most mundane details officers can think of, like cleaning the walls in the day room and moving vending machines. Pretty much just something to keep you busy so the army can justify you having to work at least 2 hours a day after PT. Don’t even get me started on the amount of formations you have in a half day on rear D.

On Friday, my last day of rear D before signing out, ducking every detail possible like any soldier would. Approached with the idea of getting a breakfast burrito I had to accept. Of course I already ate breakfast after PT, but I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to disappear for an hour or so. Plus it’s a breakfast burrito, seriously, how could I say no? Even if I just ate, you offer me food I’m going to eat again. We head out to Burrito Heaven. I’ve heard of this place plenty yet had failed to try it my whole time up here. Located just outside the Boniface gate on the Air Force side of base. I had some instructors in town to teach a school I was in go there almost every day the six weeks they were here. Set up like any other burrito place you have been to, the assembly line of options from left to right for you to customize your Mexican treat. These aren’t the biggest burritos I’ve had, but they are a local place and not a chain which is what I look for.

The burrito was fantastic. The Globe is their biggest of the breakfast burritos and comes with eggs, hash browns, sausage gravy and all 4 meats they offer (ham, bacon, reindeer sausage, chorizo). I topped it off with cilantro, onions, chipotle and habanero salsa. It had a great mix of all ingredients so there was no filler taking up 75% of the burrito like rice at Qdoba. I know have to go back and try some of their non breakfast options. This will replace any Qdoba burrito I may think about getting as long as I live in Alaska. Well done Burrito Heaven, well done. They also cater, if you are throwing a fancy party or some shit, so that’s cool too.

That unmistakable look of a great burrito.

That unmistakable look of a great burrito.

Ted Stevens International: Of Course it’s Humpy’s

Traveling can be stressful, that is why they put bars in airports. Ted Stevens here in Anchorage is small, which is nice since it took me about 7 minutes to check in, check my bag and get through security. Reminds me a lot of Flint Bishop. The only problem with that is that they are very limited on bars. I always go to Humpy’s, for obvious reasons. Besides, my other choice is Chilis Too and some other place I don’t remember. A smaller menu but basically the same as in town. I’d say the halibut burger is good, but come on, it’s a fish sandwich not a burger.

One thing they don’t screw up is the beer, a much smaller selection but mostly Alaska brewed beers and some Oregon brews from Deschutes and Widmer. I usually run into another soldier traveling out for leave somewhere. That isn’t always a blessing though. About a year ago sitting in this exact spot with my friend Baca, two of our other friends show up. Well they were already so drunk that they immediately got kicked out when trying to order a beers. One was on the same flight as Baca and the other on my flight about an hour later. We decide to split and keep an eye on these guys, as we should.

Well Baca took off and they got on the plane with no issue. I, however, had my hands full. We spent about 20 minutes walking around trying to find a smoking area that doesn’t exist because he just had to have a smoke. Eventually he gave up, went into the bathroom and power hit a Newport in the bathroom for about a minute and bailed before security was able to get there. We headed to a different bar and ordered a beer. Well the gentleman sitting next to us immediately pinned us as military and wanted to buy us a beer. Well my buddy’s response was “Fuck you!” Then he got up and walked away. Interesting strategy. I stuck around, had a beer and entertained this “veteran.” Wether he served or not, I don’t care, he was a nice guy doing a nice gesture.

I finish my beer and go on a mission to find my buddy, who God knows where he wandered off too. Barely coherent at this point I found him wandering the terminal luckily not far from our gate. I muster him up and we go to get on board. He can’t find his boarding pass. We spend a few minutes looking through is his stuff, he “checks” his pockets and still nothing. I take him up to the counter at the gate to get a new one and it took about 5 words before they said “no way, you are way to drunk to get on this flight, we are calling security…” Well shit, not sure what to do at this point. The flight attendant looks over at me “what the fuck do you need?” I show her my boarding pass and say nothing. She then strongly suggests I get on the flight. I’m not missing my Christmas vacation in Cali because my boy can’t handle his booze. I say good luck as security walks up and I board the plane with no issues.

I get a phone call the next day from my buddy asking me what happened the day before since he didn’t remember. He also didn’t call me first since he thought he was with my other buddy the whole night. I recap the story as I did above. He was lucky enough to get a new flight out two days later and didn’t have to cancel his whole vacation. Which can happen because our whole brigade goes on the leave the same time so seats on outbound going flights fill up fast and prices skyrocket. It turns out his boarding pass was in his chest pocket the whole time and he was too drunk to realize it. Moral of the story…well there isn’t really a moral, just don’t suck at travel drinking.

BurgerFi: The BurgerFi Cheeseburger, add bacon


I get a lot of questions about cheeseburgers around town these days. In turn, I also get a lot of suggestions about spots to try. Everyone has their favorite place, and most of the time once you found a great burger why would go anywhere else? It makes sense, I go to the Eagle River Ale House every Friday for pizza and wings. I like tradition. Lots of times I have already tried these burger spots but there are also some that I never would have tried with out word-of-mouth. Sometimes the suggestions work out, sometimes they don’t. I am always a little skeptical when someone suggests a new burger joint because I most likely eat a shit ton more burgers than they do so I assume they are wrong.

This brings me to BurgerFi. It popped up in Anchorage only a couple of weeks ago and has been flooding the radio and what not with adds. I almost immediately started getting some text and FB messages letting me know there is a new burger in town I have to try. Why not? So for my last Cheeseburger Wednesday of 2014 I decided to check it out. I had never heard of this place but about an hour before I am to head out I find that it is a national chain. This means it is disqualified from the Anchorage rankings, but I decided to follow through since it might be alright.

I will start by saying that the burger was tasty. Fresh cut fries, craft beers and wine all on the menu. The patties themselves had a good meaty taste. But fuck this place. Fuck it hard and don’t call it back. This “double natural angus” burger was one of the smallest burgers I have had. It was also one of the most expensive. An extra $2 for the bacon and the burger alone was $10. The smallest order of fries is $4, and an extra $2 if you want seasoning (see those couple of flakes of white? that was my free salt and vinegar seasoning). They have only one fountain drink size, small, and that is almost another $3. It is like they are trying to be a fancier, healthier version of Five Guys yet they just come across as pretentious as fuck. You aren’t that awesome if you are in the mall, and not even a good mall, the third, maybe fourth best mall in Anchorage. It’s called the Mall at Sears, yes, Sears is the biggest attraction this mall has. You know why Five Guys is so successful? They don’t try too hard and are open after the bars close. In Detroit they attach themselves to the casino, not Sears…genius.

They also are very keen on advertising “all natural ingredients.” Who cares? What kind of fake ingredients can you use in a burger? Pretty sure I haven’t found paper lettuce on any burger. Plus with their advertised “secret menu,” it’s not really a secret. Why not try to rip off In-n-Out burger a little more. They are basically just taking amenities from already proven burger joints and pretending like it’s their own. They even have a sign up in their store saying “Changing the way we think of burgers.” Bullshit, you are capitalizing on a mass of people who think that gluten allergies were around before 2009. Like companies plugging “organic” on everything and jacking the price up by 20%.

Their “craft beer” selection was weak as hell too. They basically had a few Alaskan Brewing Co. beers on tap and in a bottle for about $6 each. Not impressed. I can get Alaskan beers all over the US. Their wine selection…if I wanted to pay $20 for a $10 bottle of wine I’d pretend I was 19 again and go bootleg some shit outside a liquor store like I used to. The ONLY redeemable thing about this place is that they sell Coke made in Mexico. Granted I would rather hit up the shady ass taqueria of Victory Dr outside of Ft. Benning for one, but my options are limited here in Alaska.

I’ll never go back here. I’m sure some of my friends who are above the seedy burger joints I enjoy will make it a regular place on their business lunches. But whatever, they can waste their money if they want to. If Taylor Swift was a burger place, this would be. Completely mainstream, trying to pretend like it’s not, everyone knows it, yet stills buys the album at the mall instead of bootlegging it like they should. In closing, fuck BurgerFi.

Cenosillicaphobia: The Sum of All Fears

I fancy myself a drinker. Always have been, always will be. Sure, there are people out there like scientist, doctors, and my mom who will say that I drink too much. To those naysayers I say nay! Aside from the fact that I am really really good at drinking, it is also a lot of fun. I am not trying to defend my drinking habits, I have no need for that. I am going to explain why drinking is a necessary part of life and is a role player in the strive for world peace.

There are examples throughout history of great leaders being heavy drinkers. We can start with Alexander the Great, it’s even in his name how awesome he was. The leader of the largest empire in the history of world loved his booze. He loved it so much he even created a drinking Olympics in India. Basically the worlds first beer pong tournament. Nobody cares about how high you can jump, let me see you crush some quarter bounce and we’ll talk. Sure, most of those lightweights almost died, but that is because they drink like pussies.

Napoleon, considered one of greatest military minds in history, dominated European affairs for almost two decades and even had an era named after him (Napoleonic Wars). His victories are still studied throughout the world in all kinds of military academies. No one stays on top forever though, even Jordan had to retire eventually. Upon Napoleon’s final exile in 1815 it was reported he took crazy amounts of courvoisier with him to St. Helena. If you’re going to be exiled, might as well do it in style. Busta Rhymes would be proud. During his rule he even wanted his artillery companies to have rations of the cognac.

Moving forward, and to more important matters like America, lets talk about our boy George Washington. He is, hands down, one of the baddest American’s to ever live. He is America. His face is on the dollar bill. Just think, every time you go to a gentleman’s club you are throwing little strips of freedom on stage. He was called “Conotocaurious” by the natives which loosely translates to “Village Destroyer” because he was that badass. This is also a man known for loving his madeira, a fortified wine from Portugal. He even started his own distillery after retiring from being a badass American.

Most of our Founding Fathers liked to party. The Declaration of Independence itself was masterminded in a pub. America’s sovereignty was unofficially established in a bar. All of our greatness that we experience every day started in a place where most great stories start. Do you want to know what they did after they created the free world? They partied like 18th century rock stars. Brewers, distillers, cider makers, maltsters, coopers, these are the people that created this great nation that I defend. There are some countries out there where alcohol is prohibited; Afghanistan, Pakistan, Libya, Sudan, Yemen, Iran. There is something else all those countries have in common. America tried prohibition for awhile, very unsuccessfully mind you. You know what happened during prohibition? The Great Depression, that is what happened.

Lets talk about the man who ended prohibition a little, Franklin D. Roosevelt. The only president to serve more than two terms in office because he was loved that much . The creator of the New Deal that help end the depression. Something else he was a part of was ending WWII with another famous drinker, Winston Churchill. Churchill loved his whiskey, like any respectable man should. At the Tehran conference FDR, Churchill and Stalin all went shot-for-shot together and I’m pretty sure good things came from that meeting.

I don’t want this to get too out of hand because as I write this I’m getting more drunk watching football. There have also been many athletes known for their drinking. Joe Namath, aka Broadway Joe, who won Superbowl III, loved to get down. Today he might be more famously noted for his side line conversation withn Suzy Kolber. My question is who thought it was a good idea to interview the drunk guy? That is poor journalism in my opinion and not a lack of judgement by Namath. Other men throughout sports history that we tell our our kids to look up to were big drinkers. Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, even today Miguel Cabrera has been known to put back a few. The first Triple Crown winner in 45 years. Let me get this straight though, drinking and driving is not acceptable, at all. Enjoy your booze, but enjoy it responsibly. Enjoy the shit out of it. I do, and I love it. You might ask “Am I comparing myself to these great figures in history?” You’re goddamn right I am, I’m fucking awesome and I’m still young (at heart). Who knows what I have left to accomplish. All I know is that I’m going to keep drinking and keep being awesome. Only good things can follow.

You want to know what historical leaders didn’t drink at all? Hitler and Bin Laden. I think it is pretty obvious what the right thing to do is. I rest my case.

Humpy’s: Again and Again

Well this was a pleasant surprise. My buddy Mendez and I went to basic training together, airborne school together, both got stationed here in Alaska and were in the same section together. He gets out of the army next weekend because he had the foresight to only sign up for 3.5 years instead of the 4.5 that I did. Of course I have to take him out for a “few” drinks before he leaves. I took him on a bar tour of downtown away from the clubs he usually frequents.

First stop is obviously Humpy’s. I didn’t even plan on eating when we went out but our waitress (who was also my date for the Xmas party) pointed out the burger special they had going on. They always have some kind of burger special which is typically their regular burger with a twist. But this one was the A1 Steak Burger. Ground sirloin instead of the regular chuck, provolone and an A1-blue cheese sauce to top it off. Goddamnit this burger was good. Cooked to perfection, the cheese was melty as all hell and you could taste the steak in it. Dripping with flavor and one of the few times it wouldn’t be inappropriate to tell someone to smell your fingers. Originally on the menu for $25 but I got for $14. People like me. Follow that up with a couple PB&J’s (24 oz. PBR and shot of Jameson, not the sandwich) and this night started off right. If they had this burger every day they would be moving up on the list, but unfortunately it was only a one night stand. Not one of those regrettable ones either. This is one where you’re kicking yourself for screwing it up by sneaking out at 07:00 and calling your buddy to come pick you up at the intersection down the street when you really should have stayed for breakfast.

Humpy’s: The Christmas Party




The Humpy’s employee Christmas party is a hard ticket to come by.  Once a year on a Sunday Humpy’s closes the bar and has their Christmas party.  Each employee can bring one guest.  As you can see the food was amazing.  Prime rib, crab legs, shrimp, and much more.  I ate so much I got the meat sweats, and it was glorious.  This party is also infamous for being the best shit show in town.

Just imagine, you are in one of the more popular bars in town and everything is on the house.  Open bar, dude!  So everyone from cooks to waitresses to the owners are just getting lit up.  Now the only problem with this is that is on a Sunday.  Being in the military I have to start work pretty early on Monday morning, and it’s PT, so not a walk in the park.  I try to tell myself that I won’t drink too much, but come on, if anybody knows me they know that I won’t turn down a drink if offered.

I wish I remember a little more since this post is kind of boring.  Although I was told this was a more mild Christmas party compared to years past.  I was promised people getting kicked out and random make out sessions but saw none of this.  The dance floor did pick up, even with the worst DJ they could find.  He was playing Phil Collins early in the night, seriously.  But when the small Asian guy starts break dancing it gets better.

At some point around 22:30-23:00 I stopped remembering things.  I did find my text message to my ride about midnight to come pick me up.  Holy fuck was this morning rough.  I was late to PT for the first time in over 3 years, had a solid 2 day beard going on, wore unauthorized socks, just the opposite of what a good soldier looks like.  I was supposed to be at the gym at 06:00, woke up to one of the privates pounding on my door at 06:15 with several missed calls from my leadership.  Thank god it was my first time ever being late and I didn’t get my balls crushed.  A few extra laps and got my ass chewed, but I’m mostly proud I didn’t puke.  I was told it was “some old army bullshit” and that we can’t operate that way anymore.  Showing up wasted apparently sets a bad example for the younger soldiers underneath me.

After PT, I skipped breakfast and went to my room to sleep.  At lunch I skipped chow to go back and sleep.  Got released around 14:00, I went home and slept.  Got up about 16:30 to watch the MNF football game.  I could have slept until tomorrow but I’m not a little bitch, I have things to do.  I brushed my teeth like 6 times today and no matter what I did my teeth still had sweaters on them all day long.  It was rough.  I might not even be recovered at PT tomorrow.  Totally worth it.


My date for the evening.

My date for the evening.

Guinness and Jameson, the downfall of my good judgement.

Guinness and Jameson, the downfall of my good judgement.