Monthly Archives: February 2015

Baby’s Badass Burgers: The Original Beauty

As I sit here during my last night in this shit hole called Fort Irwin I feel it’s appropriate to make my final review. Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, and as is tradition I don’t have a date. But hey, at least I got fucked this year (thanks Obama…). Baby’s Badass Burgers (or Titty Burger as my brothers in Comanche Co so affectionately dubbed it) is close enough, and probably more satisfying anyway. We all I know how I feel about my burgers. The name Titty Burger came about either due to the pin ups painted on the truck, or because the girl taking your order coincidentally wears very low-cut shirts and has to bend over to take your order. Hard to say no to that $3.00 can of soda with those headlights shining right in your eyes. I wouldn’t say it isn’t worth it since we have been living on cots in a warehouse with 150 other dudes for almost 40 days.

This is the burger truck I wanted to try in the first place when I had to go to that turd factory, Varsity Grill. If you happen to watch shitty reality TV, I hate you, but you have also probably heard of this place already. They appeared on ‘The Shark Tank’ where people pitch their stupid ideas in hopes that rich people will “invest” in them. Baby’s also claims best burger in LA according to the Travel Channel. Getting food advice from the Travel Channel would be the equivalent of getting your political advice from P. Diddy.

All that aside though this burger was tits. Just all around fantastic. I’m not giving it extra points because I’ve been eating field chow for the last 5 weeks either. The Original Beauty comes with swiss cheese melted over sautéed onions and mushroom with Baby’s Sauce. Thick, juicy, hand pressed patties cooked to perfection. A good pink throughout the patty that would drip on your hands with out disintegrating the bun. I would say that 90% of the time when a place has their own “sauce” it is just thousand island. Not the Baby’s, it was actually an original flavor that complimented the beefiness superbly. Couldn’t tell you what it was but I liked it. I may never know if this is the best burger in LA (not that I won’t try) but it blows the pants off almost all the shit I get in Anchorage. The fries where on point as well. Reminded me of the ghetto fries the cook would make us back at Kettering in Flint, MI. Whatever seasoned salt they used did the trick. In conclusion, if you get a chance you should flag down this food truck, it’s what dreams are made of.

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Some BBQ Place: Ribs and Potato Salad

I had a nice review lined up for this place because it wasn’t bad. It’s a food truck that stands up for the food truck community. Unlike the garbage Varsity Grill. But after yesterday’s Super Bowl I’m more or less at a loss for words.

It wasn’t the best ribs I’ve ever had, my own are much better, but they didn’t stick to the bone and were nice and meaty. They make their own BBQ sauce that was pretty good but the authentic smokey flavor was slightly astray.

Outside of that it was your basic Dallas Cowboys. Lots of hype, looks good on paper and fools most people into thinking it’s better than it is. Surprise mother fuckers, this isn’t my first rodeo, I know better. I heard lots of people talk it up and I attribute that to those same people eating army chow for 3 straight days before trying it. They have obviously never been to a real BBQ joint, or stopped at the Rite Aid parking lot of Wixom Road where that one brother sets up his giant BBQ and sells that shit out of his truck. That’s some good BBQ. Everything here was pretty much off the shelf items like Heinz mustard with Costco potato salad, coleslaw and rolls. I didn’t try the baked beans, but I’m not worried I missed anything.

But really, how do you not give the ball to Marshawn?

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