There are only a few things that bring me to a state of pure jubilation. Touching boobs, beer, a good day fishing, a good cheeseburger (obviously), and until this last weekend, football. I was going to go on a long rant about the Michigan game, or the Seahawk’s game, but that would take away from what I have to say about this burger. and I’m really trying to move on. This masterpiece deserves no negative context along side its glory. So let me compare it to boobs. Everyone loves boobs. For the most part, bad boobs are still good, however, great boobs go into the history books. This burger is like great boobs. Any good man knows that it’s not all about size. At a certain point it starts to become a novelty. Don’t get me wrong, a novelty is great from time to time, but it doesn’t last, and you get tired of it quick. This is true with burgers as well. This burger is big enough that you definitely get your fill. Could I have eaten more? Of course. Was I left satisfied? Abso-fucking-lutely. Not every burger needs to be a Heidi Montag, and to be honest, I would rather have a Marisa Miller every day over a Mia Khalifa. Once you start serving up Heidi’s you start crossing the line into cuisine for fun and not cuisine for quality. Plus we all know more than a handful is risking it anyway. Could I continue to the eat this burger over and over again? Yes, the answer is yes
When I first read the ingredients that went into this beautiful son of a bitch, I was a little skeptical thinking they added too much. 5.5 oz Australian beef patty, loaded with grilled mozzarella, balsamic onions and pepperoncinis, topped with house bacon jam. I was very wrong. The balsamic onions were a little sweet and didn’t give that overwhelming vinegar tinge, but cut the bacon jam perfectly with a slight tartness. Just look at that grilled mozzarella too. A lovely golden brown tan like it has been sun bathing on the beaches of Barcelona for weeks (which are topless beaches, FYI). Throw the rest on with a side of cajun fries and you have yourself a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model of a burger. Only downside is that this was a special and no longer available. But the good thing about swimsuit models is that once they are gone, there is always a new one to replace it. So if you missed it, hit up Tommy’s for their new special, you will not be disappointed. This burger took Tommy’s to the top of the Anchorage Rankings, breaking its tie with the Arctic Roadrunner, and I don’t see it losing the top spot before I leave in 2 months.